Thankful

Thanksgiving has come and gone.  We are eating leftovers and feeling glutenous.  The fall decorations are gone and now we have moved onto Christmas.  Before we move onto the next holiday, let me briefly tell you what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for a wife who had the courage to mention adoption even when I said I done.  I am thankful that I had the courage to listen to the voice of God, telling me that I could do this.  I am thankful that I have two beautiful older daughters who endured 2.5 years of adoption process.  I am thankful for family who stepped up and helped out while we were in the DRC.  I am thankful for a church that surrounded us in love and food while we were gone and when we returned.

I am thankful for mother who could not take care of her daughters, and who was willing to let strangers take her daughters to a foreign land.  I am thankful for two little girls who lovingly look up and call us mommy and daddy.  I am thankful that we have truly become a family.

Thank you God for allowing this to happen in our lives.

The unknowns

We have this new conversation going on the house.  Well, it is not new, but it has come back to face us again.  The conversation goes something like this.  "I wish we knew more about their mother," Valerie says.  I say, "me too, but we don't."  In fact we know nothing except that she showed up for court 3 times to relinquish their rights.  Wow, can you imagine having to do that 3 times?  Even on the worst of worst days, I can not imagine doing it once.  This woman had courage.  This woman had fear.  This woman had strength.  This woman most likely had no other option in the world that she lives in.

After spending 5 weeks in the DRC, I have a better understanding of life in that part of the world.  There are some many words that would describe it, but not nearly enough would convey what people actually live through.  It is the heart of Africa.  A beautiful and magical place.  Filled with sounds and wonders that you can only imagine after being there.  The air can be heavy, yet light with fragrances of flowers and dust.  The people are strong.  They long for a better life.  They are spiritual in nature.  I think Africa does that to you.

So after spending 5 weeks in a city that could chew me up, I have learned this about their mother.  She was beautiful in heart.  She cared enough to give them a "better place" to live in.  She cared for their well being.  She desired that they live.  She was strong in stature.  She was humble enough to know that she could not care for her girls.  She was filled with joy at the thought of her children thriving and not just surviving.  She was able to conquer fear in the midst of knowing she would never see her daughters again.  Her fears gave way to desire.  Desire of hope and dreams that she could never fulfill as a mother.

Now the tangible parts of what I or we don't know?  Who is this woman that could return to court three times to relinquish her daughters?  What does she look like?  What is her life like?  How many children does she have?  What caused her to give them up?  Did she have a choice, or more accurately, was it her choice?  Did she have any idea where her daughters were headed?

So many questions, and we will never know unless one of us goes back and attempts to track her down.  She is already in her 40's.  In the DRC, this is getting close to the average lifespan.  Will we have time to do this, I don't know?  Is it safe to do this, I don't know?  All I do know is that we have two beautiful daughters that were born to fit into this home.

There are parts of me that would have loved to have paid a monthly sum to keep the family together.  I don't know that is realistic, based on the tangibles that can be associated with the DRC.  Life there can be down right miserable for women.  I love the thought of keeping the family together, but I hate the thought of not having them as part of our family.

So, as I finish this, I promise these things to our birth mother.  I promise to raise these girls as my own.  I promise to protect them at all costs.  I promise to wipe every scrape and kiss every tear.  I promise to give them my all, as you have given us your all.  I promise that they will have every opportunity to thrive.  I promise to love them as you would.  I promise all of these and more to you, because you gave us the the opportunity to complete these promises when you went to court each and every time.  

Natalie and Josee's world

I thought that today I would give our girls perspective.  The holidays have approached so fast.  In fact, we don't even understand what is happening at times.  There was this day where we all dressed up.  Daddy dressed like a woman and mommy like a man.  What is happening here.  Four months ago, we met these crazy white folks that showed up in our hospital room to care for us.  We were scared and not sure exactly what was going to happen.  Now here we are dressed up as kitty cats following our witch sisters around asking for candy.  This place is great!  Dress up like an animal and they give candy to you.  Say some special words like "trick or treat" and the treat you like royalty.

Now we have this other thing coming up called Thanksgiving.  We don't know what it is, but we love to read the sign that is hanging on our wall.  We call out, "that says happy thanksgiving."  Oh the joy of thanksgiving.  We have also heard about and seen this guy called Santa.  Supposedly, he brings gifts to good kids?  We also hear that there is an elf that sits around and reports on our behavior.

Wow!!!  What kind of magical world did we move to?

Here we can refuse to eat all of our food.  They will feed us later.  They will offer lots of choices and we get to pick.  How can this be?  No foofoo?  No mushy paste to eat?  How did we get so lucky that if we do things right we get tamu tamu?  Candy for those who don't know.

We have so many toys we don't even know what to do with them.  Sometimes we just sit and talk about imaginary things that we might do. (like go to the bus stop with our older sister's friends).

There are so many activities in this home.  We have to drive all over the place so our older sisters can go to different activities.  Sometimes it is soccer, dance or bike riding.  We want to do it all.  We want to do whatever our older sisters do.

Every night we ask if Abby will sleep with us.  She has become our favorite, because she always wants to play with us or take care of us.  We love her so much we ask about her first now.  We do have an older sister, Kate, but she has her own things to do now and sometimes wants to be by herself.  We want to be with her, but sometimes she is just not available.

When we lived in Congo, we had our foster mom.  We know her as mom.  When we wake, we normally see daddy.  "Where's mommy?" is our first question.  Is she still here?  Daddy, why do you take care of us?  This is really weird.

In Congo, we had names like Katie and Judith.  We now call each other by our American names.  We even use our last name.   Where did our names go?  Maybe it does not matter.  We go by Natalie and Josee.

We say hi to strangers.  We make friends easily.  We see photos of dark skinned people and wonder who they are.  We don't question why mom and dad look different to there face.  We might talk about it when they are asleep, but most likely we don't just because we are taken care of.

We have so many clothes.  So many toys.  Two bikes.  Two cars.  Two sisters.  Two dogs.  Two cats.  So much.

We are no longer sick.  We don't take dawa (medicine) any more.  We go to school 3 days a week and never want to leave.  How magical this place is.  Please don't let this end.  Don't let our dream end.

Oh, by the way?  What happened to our parents?  How did we get here and what is the purpose?

I know they don't think the last things yet, but someday these will come.  People continue to ask how they are and we respond great.  They have adjusted extremely well.  They know they are loved.  They know we will take care of them.   They know that we won't harm them at this point.  What they don't know is how they came to be with us.  These questions will come in time, but for the time being we will continue to exist in the dream.

This dream is a constant reality for us.  We are blessed by two beautiful, smart girls.  Our lives have been changed for the best.  How did we live without them?  How did we survive without them?  Things have not always gone smooth.  I have had fits.  They have had fits.  The older girls have had fits.  However, in the spectrum of things, we are well.  I hate to type things like we are doing great, because I know so many out there are not doing so great.  I pray that they may feel this dream.  I pray that they may feel the blessing that we have felt.  Pray for them.  Bless them.  Take care of them.  Love them.  They need it.