When I first started this blog, I thought I would have time to blog daily about the ins and outs of our daily lives. If you check the last time I blogged, you will see that this is not happening. No way do I have time to tell the world about me driving to soccer, dance and other various activities. What I do have time for is to tell you that this is love.
When we first began this process of adopting I figured that the love part would come rather easily, especially when it came to kids that God had called me to. I can honestly say I was wrong. Was I wrong to adopt? No way. This has been the greatest adventure in my life. I have been on some great ones, so this must rate rather high if I am saying this. Was I wrong to think that I could love someone without knowing them? No. I was optimistic. I was hopeful. I was also naive.
God called us to this, and I thought that parts of this would be easy. In fact, He calls us to take care of the orphans and the widows. How easy is that? Does this mean that we adopt the world, or do we take a different approach to life? For us, this meant turning ourselves inside out and going through a gut wrenching process. This meant turning away from the common and the known to the uncommon and the unknown. It meant giving up things like new bikes and cars. Things that rust in time. What about love though? Does it rust? Does it tarnish?
When we returned home, we were on a euphoric rush. We survived and lived to tell. What about now? What do we do now that we are home? There were moments when I asked God why He called me to this. There were moments when I felt utterly defeated and weak. There were moments when I felt peace and joy.
Since returning we have had new moments constantly. The first popcorn. The first new shoes. The first night of staying with the grand parents. (That means date night). The first bike was interesting. Finally and not exhaustive were the first family pictures by a professional photographer. There are so many first, and I wish I had time to talk about them, but this is not the point. We also had the first love.
I remember a time, when I looked over and saw two strangers looking back at me. How did we get them, I remember thinking. I must have PTSD if I can't remember that one. I also remember a time at my parents where one of them came down the stairs and I thought "you don't belong here." Was I wrong to think these things? No. I was bonding. I was learning to love. I had opened my heart to the orphan children and was creating a new life with them. I was not just filling my home with kids, but I was filling it with love.
Today, I took them to the pool. I watched Josee play in the water with amazement, as she moved beyond her comfort zone to a zone of pure bliss. That was such a joyful moment for me. I felt so proud of her. I felt love for her. Yes, love!!! We have only been with them since June, but I can honestly say that I would do anything for these girls. The great thing is, that I know that I will become even greater as time goes along. Yes, even in those dreaded teen years.
I have learned to find joy in their tears and frustration. I have learned to find joy in my complete lack of control in this situation. I have learned that to be called is so much more than just bringing them home. I have learned that despite my weakness, God is faithful. I have learned that this goes so much bigger than I can even imagine.
Love. So much greater than we understand. So much more complicated than you might ever imagine. So blessed to feel it.
