Today we found out that our new appointment in the DRC is June 8. Looks like my birthday present is a plane trip. I promise to keep this short, but we are so excited and I knew people would want to know. Thanks for the continued support and prayers. I really does mean a lot.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Fear of the unknown
Driving up the hill to church last night, I looked at my watch. Oh, we were to leave in ten minutes I said to the girls. What a dream that would be said Abby. I felt disappointed. I felt somewhat sad. I felt heavy.
During praise and worship, I sat feeling numb and not really appreciative of God's presence. I did not necessarily want to be there, but I had friends surrounding me and I knew that if I broke down, many were there to tend to my needs. I was asked "how are you?" by many friends. I said "good" but was challenged by many on how I really was. Too be honest I did feel okay. Not great, but I knew that this life and journey we have started is going to work out just fine.
As I sat in church and listened to the message, I realized a few things. When we started this adoption we felt led by God to do so, but I know that we, or I just jumped into it with less than obedient heart. Yeah, we were doing what we felt led to do, but where was my heart? As time moved on and the doors in Rwanda began to close, we opened our hearts to other options. Just remember, when I started this, I did not want to change my life too much. I wanted to get a kid, not go back too far and live life.
I guess God had other plans. When Rwanda began to close we opened our hearts to the possibility of adoption in the states. That plan quickly fell through and we found ourselves grasping and clawing at any possibility to follow what we had been called to do. That is when we stumbled upon the new program in our agency.
I did not realize when we started this whole thing that our goal was not to bring children home from a world of poverty and neglect, but it was to fill our home with God's obedience. So now here we are waiting anxiously for two beautiful little girls to come home and seeing what path God takes us on.
I recently went to a conference with Dr. Karen Purvis. During that conference she stated that you can fill you house with kids or you can give kids a home for healing. Perhaps, this process of loss and emotional starvation has given us a glimpse into the life of our girls.
We could have chosen other countries that are more closely regulated, but I don't think that is the path He wanted us to go. For some reason God has placed us in the Heart of Africa. For some reason he has placed two wonderfully and beautifully made girls in the lives of people that did not life to change too much. For some reason He has continued to be faithful to us, despite wondering if this was ever in His control. Whatever His plan is, I am now fully submitting myself to it, even if it means financial ruin, emotional starvation, loss of tears, fear of the unknown and or whatever else may come from this.
Josee and Marie, here we come. Get ready, because you have a rather large family waiting for you when you arrive.
During praise and worship, I sat feeling numb and not really appreciative of God's presence. I did not necessarily want to be there, but I had friends surrounding me and I knew that if I broke down, many were there to tend to my needs. I was asked "how are you?" by many friends. I said "good" but was challenged by many on how I really was. Too be honest I did feel okay. Not great, but I knew that this life and journey we have started is going to work out just fine.
As I sat in church and listened to the message, I realized a few things. When we started this adoption we felt led by God to do so, but I know that we, or I just jumped into it with less than obedient heart. Yeah, we were doing what we felt led to do, but where was my heart? As time moved on and the doors in Rwanda began to close, we opened our hearts to other options. Just remember, when I started this, I did not want to change my life too much. I wanted to get a kid, not go back too far and live life.
I guess God had other plans. When Rwanda began to close we opened our hearts to the possibility of adoption in the states. That plan quickly fell through and we found ourselves grasping and clawing at any possibility to follow what we had been called to do. That is when we stumbled upon the new program in our agency.
I did not realize when we started this whole thing that our goal was not to bring children home from a world of poverty and neglect, but it was to fill our home with God's obedience. So now here we are waiting anxiously for two beautiful little girls to come home and seeing what path God takes us on.
I recently went to a conference with Dr. Karen Purvis. During that conference she stated that you can fill you house with kids or you can give kids a home for healing. Perhaps, this process of loss and emotional starvation has given us a glimpse into the life of our girls.
We could have chosen other countries that are more closely regulated, but I don't think that is the path He wanted us to go. For some reason God has placed us in the Heart of Africa. For some reason he has placed two wonderfully and beautifully made girls in the lives of people that did not life to change too much. For some reason He has continued to be faithful to us, despite wondering if this was ever in His control. Whatever His plan is, I am now fully submitting myself to it, even if it means financial ruin, emotional starvation, loss of tears, fear of the unknown and or whatever else may come from this.
Josee and Marie, here we come. Get ready, because you have a rather large family waiting for you when you arrive.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Yesterday
Yesterday. Oh, yesterday. You have been such a hard day and there seems to be no reprieve. I was going to write this last night, but I did not have the energy or strength.
What was wrong with yesterday, you ask? If you are in the loop, you would have found out that we received news that our paperwork has one lousy mistake on it and it will take a couple of weeks to fix. So after all of the preparation and readiness, we stand here with bags filled and broken hearts.
Yesterday definitely had it moments though. In order to help Valerie move through the day until we received our phone call, we went for run.. Not just any ordinary run, but Animas Mountain.
If you have ever run, walked, hiked or looked at Animas, you know it is steep. I mean steep. Just relentless. She originally said no to my idea, but I had a plan. I knew that it would take a while, since we are not in top running shape yet. I also knew that the pain we would endure would help us stop thinking about our phone call. Finally, I knew that despite the pain and suffering involved, there are moments of pure beauty on this run.
As we struggled to gain elevation on the mountain, we stopped and prayed. Time and time again we stopped and prayed. I must admit this was a great shroud for catching my breath. Although Valerie initiated it, I embraced the great veil of rest. Finally, we crested to the upper east side with the vistas of the Animas valley. I as took the opportunity for a "pit" stop, Valerie commented on how she needed to do the same thing.
Viewing out towards the Animas, I told Valerie that I stopped purposely at this very spot for a reason. Even when I have run this mountain competitively, I have briefly glanced across the valley and recognized the beauty of God. I then went on to tell her that I had chosen this very run so that we could get a glimpse of God's vistas in the rough patches of life. We stood there in awe. We took pictures with our phones. (We were waiting for the important call after all.) After stopping for a few minutes and gaining our composure, we continued our run.
We did not know what the day would look like when we ran early yesterday. We did not know that later on our hearts would feel torn from our very chests. We did not know that we would yearn so great for children we have never met, but we did.
Yesterday has now come and gone. The tears have been wept, the pain has been felt. Oh, God why can't this be easy? What is the hold up? Don't we love these children enough? Or, is it not about us? Is it something in between it all? Perhaps it is that you know how and when this will best affect the people that are around us in Durango and beyond. What ever it is, it is not easy. It never has been and I don't expect it to get any easier once we get our girls home, but I know that we will have the support of friends and family. God has connected and intertwined our family with our new daughters from the DRC.
So now that yesterday has passed, we have much clearer vision. Although cloudy, we have a vision of our future. We will travel. We will bring these girls home. Our girls will become part of our home. Kate and Abby will be older sisters. Our friends and family will finally get to meet the two Maries and we will begin a new journey. Although we long. Although we suffer, we continue in our faith of a God that has a much bigger and grander plan than we could ever imagine.
What was wrong with yesterday, you ask? If you are in the loop, you would have found out that we received news that our paperwork has one lousy mistake on it and it will take a couple of weeks to fix. So after all of the preparation and readiness, we stand here with bags filled and broken hearts.
Yesterday definitely had it moments though. In order to help Valerie move through the day until we received our phone call, we went for run.. Not just any ordinary run, but Animas Mountain.
If you have ever run, walked, hiked or looked at Animas, you know it is steep. I mean steep. Just relentless. She originally said no to my idea, but I had a plan. I knew that it would take a while, since we are not in top running shape yet. I also knew that the pain we would endure would help us stop thinking about our phone call. Finally, I knew that despite the pain and suffering involved, there are moments of pure beauty on this run.
As we struggled to gain elevation on the mountain, we stopped and prayed. Time and time again we stopped and prayed. I must admit this was a great shroud for catching my breath. Although Valerie initiated it, I embraced the great veil of rest. Finally, we crested to the upper east side with the vistas of the Animas valley. I as took the opportunity for a "pit" stop, Valerie commented on how she needed to do the same thing.
Viewing out towards the Animas, I told Valerie that I stopped purposely at this very spot for a reason. Even when I have run this mountain competitively, I have briefly glanced across the valley and recognized the beauty of God. I then went on to tell her that I had chosen this very run so that we could get a glimpse of God's vistas in the rough patches of life. We stood there in awe. We took pictures with our phones. (We were waiting for the important call after all.) After stopping for a few minutes and gaining our composure, we continued our run.
We did not know what the day would look like when we ran early yesterday. We did not know that later on our hearts would feel torn from our very chests. We did not know that we would yearn so great for children we have never met, but we did.
Yesterday has now come and gone. The tears have been wept, the pain has been felt. Oh, God why can't this be easy? What is the hold up? Don't we love these children enough? Or, is it not about us? Is it something in between it all? Perhaps it is that you know how and when this will best affect the people that are around us in Durango and beyond. What ever it is, it is not easy. It never has been and I don't expect it to get any easier once we get our girls home, but I know that we will have the support of friends and family. God has connected and intertwined our family with our new daughters from the DRC.
So now that yesterday has passed, we have much clearer vision. Although cloudy, we have a vision of our future. We will travel. We will bring these girls home. Our girls will become part of our home. Kate and Abby will be older sisters. Our friends and family will finally get to meet the two Maries and we will begin a new journey. Although we long. Although we suffer, we continue in our faith of a God that has a much bigger and grander plan than we could ever imagine.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Today another glitch. We found out that we are still waiting for another piece of paper. Aren't we supposed to leave in a few days? Oh Lord, what is going on with this? Are we not good enough to adopt these girls. What have I done to deserve this?
Funny how when something crazy or bad happens, we instantly want to blame ourself. We want to blame anything we can. We have to grasp at any straw we can get ahold of just to make sense of this.
So here we are waiting again. We have to change our tickets by Friday if this is not going to happen. Then we have to wait until late June or early July just to see our beautiful girls. We have so set our minds on seeing their faces now. Please God, don't make us wait. Please move heaven and earth.. Please move this one piece of paper.
We wait anxiously. We so want to see your faces.
Funny how when something crazy or bad happens, we instantly want to blame ourself. We want to blame anything we can. We have to grasp at any straw we can get ahold of just to make sense of this.
So here we are waiting again. We have to change our tickets by Friday if this is not going to happen. Then we have to wait until late June or early July just to see our beautiful girls. We have so set our minds on seeing their faces now. Please God, don't make us wait. Please move heaven and earth.. Please move this one piece of paper.
We wait anxiously. We so want to see your faces.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
It's all in the name
What do you name a child? The process of naming a child is rather daunting. You buy baby name books, ask people what they think of names and perhaps watch your favorite movie again. Remember that name in the movie that just stuck in your brain? I do. The name was Tristan.
Fast forward to now. We have two beautiful biological daughters, neither are named Tristan. They are probably very happy about this. It's only a name though right? Well, what happens when you adopt? You typically get a child with a name that has been with them since birth. What about when you get the opportunity to adopt twins? In our case, we chose Josee and Marie. Oh, what beautiful names. We could not have chosen any better.
Now I have to admit that Marie McKinnis is a mouth full, but it does have a rather nice ring to it. Anyway, we have been putting names to pictures over and over again. In fact, Darren still struggles with this. You put a mom to the task of learning the names and it is done in seconds. Although they are not biologically hers, there is something about motherhood that resonates in a woman. She can remember names, places etc.... The dilemma!!
This past week we learned that we will be traveling within a week to get Josee and Marie. Only one problem. We are going to get Marie and Marie. Marie-Jose and Marie-Paul. Two Maries?? We have already been asked what we are going to do. To tell you the truth, right now we don't know. We are going to begin to sort this out next week. We fly towards Kinshasa on April 30th and arrive May 1. On May 2nd we will be joined by the Maries. We are hopeful that wewill get to meet their foster mother and begin to sort out some of the details. First of all, what do we call them?
After years of waiting, 670,000 air miles donated and many tears of fear and joy we finally get to meet our two Maries. Thank you for all who have donated time, money, prayers and tears to this journey. It truly does take a village (and a little more). We could not have done this without you.
Fast forward to now. We have two beautiful biological daughters, neither are named Tristan. They are probably very happy about this. It's only a name though right? Well, what happens when you adopt? You typically get a child with a name that has been with them since birth. What about when you get the opportunity to adopt twins? In our case, we chose Josee and Marie. Oh, what beautiful names. We could not have chosen any better.
Now I have to admit that Marie McKinnis is a mouth full, but it does have a rather nice ring to it. Anyway, we have been putting names to pictures over and over again. In fact, Darren still struggles with this. You put a mom to the task of learning the names and it is done in seconds. Although they are not biologically hers, there is something about motherhood that resonates in a woman. She can remember names, places etc.... The dilemma!!
This past week we learned that we will be traveling within a week to get Josee and Marie. Only one problem. We are going to get Marie and Marie. Marie-Jose and Marie-Paul. Two Maries?? We have already been asked what we are going to do. To tell you the truth, right now we don't know. We are going to begin to sort this out next week. We fly towards Kinshasa on April 30th and arrive May 1. On May 2nd we will be joined by the Maries. We are hopeful that wewill get to meet their foster mother and begin to sort out some of the details. First of all, what do we call them?
After years of waiting, 670,000 air miles donated and many tears of fear and joy we finally get to meet our two Maries. Thank you for all who have donated time, money, prayers and tears to this journey. It truly does take a village (and a little more). We could not have done this without you.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Adopting (a new life)
The process of adoption has been a rather harrowing journey. What we thought would be something to the time of 6 to 8 months has turned into a 2 1/2 year slog. We have had moments of joy, bouts of sorrow, but through it God has shown his grace and mercy. As I said, we expected this to be a quick in and out, no bumps in the road and on with our life we would go. It has not been that way.
Our journey begins in Rwanda. Darren traveled there to hand deliver our paperwork when we found out the country was shutting down their adoption program to initiate the process of the Hague. Scared that we would be shut out of the process, we put Darren on plane at 6am and sent him to our state capital to finish paperwork and later that day on to Washington DC. Once in DC he went to the state department to finalize documents and then to the Rwandan embassy. What we thought would be a day, turned out to be a weekend. Finally, 4 days later he loaded a plane headed to Kigali. Luckily for us we had friends living there at the time, so he at least had a place to stay and people to associate with.
In the back of our minds we thought he might come home with a little one in weeks. He quickly realized that this was not the case when he turned in our paperwork, and they said they would contact us when the other hundred plus applications had been processed. Saddened but refreshed that the paperwork was turned in, he returned home. Now the wait......
Months went by without any word. Finally we received a letter stating that we had six months to complete this process or our case would be closed. Upon hearing this our hearts sunk. No way could this happen to us. We were following God's path. He told us to adopt. Why us?
As time moved forward, we believed that we might have an opportunity to change our paperwork and ask for a little boy. Denied!!!! Devastation set in. What were we to do? Luckily, we had not told our girls, for fear that it actually would not happen. God seemed to know something we did not.
After this last devastating blow, we begin to look for other options/ countries that we could adopt from. Amazingly, the very agency we were using had a new program for the DRC. The worst country in the world according to many. After much prayer and consideration, we made a leap of faith to change.
In between this switch, there did seem to be an opportunity to adopt from the US. Receiving a call from my mom, stating that there was a 3 year old that might be placed for adoption, we quickly put together pictures and a basic letter stating who were. This must have been some test from God to see if we were really ready to adopt whoever He would present to us, as this turned out to fall through also. Changing countries seemed to be giving up and a rather large loss, and now we have lost another, right here in the US. God what are we doing? When will this happen? Who will it be?
Surprise!!!!! When we changed countries, God gave us twins. Wow, Darren only wanted one girl, not two. What would he say? When presented with the pictures of these girls, all he could say was yes. Yes? Are you sure? Yes, God gave them to us. Josee and Marie.
Now I wish we could say we are done. We are not. We are still waiting, although it is becoming less and less of a wait each day. Please pray that we are able to get our girls soon. Our hearts ache for them. Our biological daughters ache for them. Our family aches for them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)