Driving up the hill to church last night, I looked at my watch. Oh, we were to leave in ten minutes I said to the girls. What a dream that would be said Abby. I felt disappointed. I felt somewhat sad. I felt heavy.
During praise and worship, I sat feeling numb and not really appreciative of God's presence. I did not necessarily want to be there, but I had friends surrounding me and I knew that if I broke down, many were there to tend to my needs. I was asked "how are you?" by many friends. I said "good" but was challenged by many on how I really was. Too be honest I did feel okay. Not great, but I knew that this life and journey we have started is going to work out just fine.
As I sat in church and listened to the message, I realized a few things. When we started this adoption we felt led by God to do so, but I know that we, or I just jumped into it with less than obedient heart. Yeah, we were doing what we felt led to do, but where was my heart? As time moved on and the doors in Rwanda began to close, we opened our hearts to other options. Just remember, when I started this, I did not want to change my life too much. I wanted to get a kid, not go back too far and live life.
I guess God had other plans. When Rwanda began to close we opened our hearts to the possibility of adoption in the states. That plan quickly fell through and we found ourselves grasping and clawing at any possibility to follow what we had been called to do. That is when we stumbled upon the new program in our agency.
I did not realize when we started this whole thing that our goal was not to bring children home from a world of poverty and neglect, but it was to fill our home with God's obedience. So now here we are waiting anxiously for two beautiful little girls to come home and seeing what path God takes us on.
I recently went to a conference with Dr. Karen Purvis. During that conference she stated that you can fill you house with kids or you can give kids a home for healing. Perhaps, this process of loss and emotional starvation has given us a glimpse into the life of our girls.
We could have chosen other countries that are more closely regulated, but I don't think that is the path He wanted us to go. For some reason God has placed us in the Heart of Africa. For some reason he has placed two wonderfully and beautifully made girls in the lives of people that did not life to change too much. For some reason He has continued to be faithful to us, despite wondering if this was ever in His control. Whatever His plan is, I am now fully submitting myself to it, even if it means financial ruin, emotional starvation, loss of tears, fear of the unknown and or whatever else may come from this.
Josee and Marie, here we come. Get ready, because you have a rather large family waiting for you when you arrive.
During praise and worship, I sat feeling numb and not really appreciative of God's presence. I did not necessarily want to be there, but I had friends surrounding me and I knew that if I broke down, many were there to tend to my needs. I was asked "how are you?" by many friends. I said "good" but was challenged by many on how I really was. Too be honest I did feel okay. Not great, but I knew that this life and journey we have started is going to work out just fine.
As I sat in church and listened to the message, I realized a few things. When we started this adoption we felt led by God to do so, but I know that we, or I just jumped into it with less than obedient heart. Yeah, we were doing what we felt led to do, but where was my heart? As time moved on and the doors in Rwanda began to close, we opened our hearts to other options. Just remember, when I started this, I did not want to change my life too much. I wanted to get a kid, not go back too far and live life.
I guess God had other plans. When Rwanda began to close we opened our hearts to the possibility of adoption in the states. That plan quickly fell through and we found ourselves grasping and clawing at any possibility to follow what we had been called to do. That is when we stumbled upon the new program in our agency.
I did not realize when we started this whole thing that our goal was not to bring children home from a world of poverty and neglect, but it was to fill our home with God's obedience. So now here we are waiting anxiously for two beautiful little girls to come home and seeing what path God takes us on.
I recently went to a conference with Dr. Karen Purvis. During that conference she stated that you can fill you house with kids or you can give kids a home for healing. Perhaps, this process of loss and emotional starvation has given us a glimpse into the life of our girls.
We could have chosen other countries that are more closely regulated, but I don't think that is the path He wanted us to go. For some reason God has placed us in the Heart of Africa. For some reason he has placed two wonderfully and beautifully made girls in the lives of people that did not life to change too much. For some reason He has continued to be faithful to us, despite wondering if this was ever in His control. Whatever His plan is, I am now fully submitting myself to it, even if it means financial ruin, emotional starvation, loss of tears, fear of the unknown and or whatever else may come from this.
Josee and Marie, here we come. Get ready, because you have a rather large family waiting for you when you arrive.
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